celebrating 2 years on substack
feat my current musings: patriarchy & constellations
“I’m connected to the core of my web, I’m also connected to the outer most layer of my web.” from my 1st ever letter
Hello!
art by Hiba Schahbaz
I’ve been on this substack playground for 2 years! Can you believe it?
I’m tapping in from several places. Aboveground, underground, and everywhere in between.
For the last 2 years, my goal was to share every month, and I did! It took a while to get to a mental place where I felt confident to share my thoughts, but my queen inspired rituals worked.
The 1st iteration of my letter was called “Passing Time with Jakari Wing”. I lived in Upper Manhattan and probably slammed my laptop shut after posting. I was so nervous! So I made it a priority to be as spontaneous as I needed to be, and to take action on my ideas before my mind got in the way. I asked for help when I needed, and made sure to journal for myself, to stay fresh and flowing.
My intention was to share my truth. To swim in it and show you all a window into my world. Maybe we could illuminate one another?
These last two years have been a ride. One of many tests I suppose. One that I haven’t really wanted to look back on. But again, my writing comes to me in a time of healing. So here I am.
It’s been exciting, rejuvenating, rewarding. Thank you lovely people for your continued support.
If you’d like to support my work, you can become a paid subscriber. You’ll gain access to collective energy readings, journal prompts, writing exercises to tackle creative blocks, and special offers on my prints / zines.
Or you can donate via Venmo @jakariwing. Any contributions will go toward something special - like a manifestation journal, for me to continue dreaming and creating.
Anyhow, this letter is about patriarchy & the stars…
I started my substack journey because I wanted to change my relationship with the internet. But turns out, I am still chronically online oops.
I know that a lot of social media platforms are designed by patriarchal forces and algorithms that ruin my self esteem but it seems I cannot get away. It’s a game of re-uploading the apps, remembering my passwords. Logging on as if it were the first time…
Anyhow patriarchy, the main character of this episode. I’ve been thinking a lot about that silly little thing. Patriarchy. Shifting between moments of cackling to moments of deep internalized rage.
“Get awayyyyy from me I yell!” But patriarchy like a long lost toxic lover, always finds a way in.
I detest its very existence and do all that I can to ward off it’s presence in my life, including paying a witch on tiktok. This was just general camaraderie because I loved the wisdom emanating from her, look at her very sweet message that I pay forward to you all.
Each time I begin to think of patriarchy I try to shut it down, shut it out. I’ve been wanting to talk more about it with y’all, but I keep stopping myself. Because I don’t want to worship this, but here we are.
It always starts with the male dominated part of my Punjabi diasporic roots. Unhealed divine masculine energy? Possibly!
The need to constantly stand up for myself, yell my truth, the push and pull of never seeing any change.
That my friends, is where a lot of my oldest dreams were once planted and born.
I decided at age 6 that becoming an ice skater and dentist would do the job. I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be heard, I wanted to also be… practical. Michelle Kwan’s 1998 performance did it for me, especially at 4:33, her dad just looked so proud…and in terms of becoming a dentist, it was a play-do set I saw on tv. This was how I would survive the patriarchal forces!
I ended up cutting my finger open from a pair of skates at the mall, and I play high frequency healing sounds in noise canceling headphones every time I visit the dentist. So those dreams died out quick, but new ones came.
I revisited my inner child, finding inspiration in my beautiful little mind. But also in her anger, her disappointment, her dreams for change. Her untapped energy.
Patriarchy is inspiring. The rage is endless. And when handled with care, rage can be incredibly energizing. People have changed their entire lives on the basis of rage.
I felt very disconnected from that rage, because I realized one point or another, that I wanted to thrive. And thriving required a complete shift in attitude.
But, THEN I watched this Punjabi film in theaters with my cousins. It was supposed to be a bonding moment because we just saw the artist perform in an arena. BUT it ended up being a terrible film, shedding light on the deep rooted misogyny, hyper masculinity, and complete lack of accountability in our culture.
It was hard to watch.
However, it was inspiring…
I wrote this outline for a book that I will one day write. It all came out so… seamlessly.
The title would be along the lines of “chasing daddy’s trauma”
Chapter 1: patriarchy - worshiping men
Chapter 2: memory, trauma, holding onto history as a form of control / manipulation
Chapter 3: hetero family dynamics
Chapter 4: the caricature of the man x permission to exist
Chapter 5: the caricature of the women (the servant x the caregiver, the invisible control )
Chapter 6: trauma structures x intergenerational trauma
Chapter 7: gaslighting, dealing with narcissistic abuse
Chapter 8: codependency, boundaries x managing guilt
*** this is where the whole surviving to thriving part would enter the chat
Chapter 9 inner child work
Chapter 10 rebuilding x reworking, reclaiming your body
Chapter 11 self compassion
Can you believe all that came out from just watching one movie?? I know it’s a lot. I’m not passionate enough yet to commit to this book. Maybe I should rephrase, I don’t have the healing tools or psychological safety to counter the heavy topics I’d be getting into. I would need a coven, drums, dancing near a fire under the stars kind of stuff.
Despite my brain spitting out an entire outline for a book, I still have some of the artists songs stuck in my head. The really machismo ones that are grand displays of masculinity. GROSS. I imagine myself sitting down to write the book, while simultaneously listening to his music. That seems hypocritical no? Very odd and peculiar…yes. Why can’t I intellectualize my way out of the control of patriarchy?
“we love to mistake butterflies for cardiac arrest” sabrina carpenter
Turns out a part of human existence is being stimulated, getting a dopamine rush from things that might not always be nourishing.
In Jakari Wing fashion, I found a universal law, or reason for this very human feeling of being drawn to the chase, drawn to the problematic. Turns out it can be perfectly captured within the symbolism of a wheel. Or the wheel of fortune tarot card.
We are meant to simply go through certain life experiences, canon events, as some would say. And mine have been largely influenced by my relationship with patriarchy. It has been so carefully placed in my system, my body is well acquainted with the suffering that one endures within the confines of patriarchy. It is ancient.
This is not to lose hope, but to acknowledge that mistakes will be made, anger must be felt and although it might take time, one day I will be free from it.
The programmed guilt and shame is what keeps me in the game.
Unfortunately, every feeling can be traced to an action, even if it was centuries ago. Usually being connected to power, control, money, and men.It’s an old system that has outlived logic and justice.
What re-inspired me to dive back into this rage was a chapter about witch hunts in “The Great Cosmic Mother, Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth”.
“Until recently, the number of deaths from the Inquisition were underestimated, as a way of denying about five hundred years of systemic persecution and slaughter by the Holy Christian church”
9 million people were murdered during the witch trials. Simply because of money, power, fear and patriarchy.
It was not just about religion.
“the design, manufacture, and sale of torture devices was a big business…”
The effects of the witch trials set the groundwork for patriarchy to survive and persist via intense fear.
WHAT HAPPENS ON EARTH. STAYS ON EARTH.
Anytime someone tries to spew their patriarchal programming and behavior onto me…I hear echoes of Kamala “Do0 you think w3 just f3ll out of a c0conut tr3e?!!!”
Even a subtle misogynistic comment throws me over the edge, I can see its ties to a system that was meticulously designed to suppress women and queer people.
art by Hiba Schahbaz
The stars
Because I’m a licensed and award winning fantasizer, I look up to the stars for guidance. I always look aboveground and underground, in places that are hidden. This is where I find my people. The resilient ones.
I can see more constellations from where I’m at in the world, I’m grounded further in my truth as an ethereal, rageful, human winged being.
Here are some constellations I’ve been meditating on:
Pleiades: the 7 sisters who were wrongfully treated align and shine together to guide those who are lost and those who seek justice or a safe place to grieve. We are protected under their watch especially during this time of year (sept-october). They are the cosmic throat chakra! Sing to them! 444 light years away from earth.
Cassiopeia: This beautiful constellation represents deep platonic soulmate energy. I look to them to feel more bliss, connection, and ease amongst my friendships. An affirmation that we do not need to place emphasis on romantic situations.
Both constellations are also in the shape of a snake. Of transformation.
“The snake could shed its skin but still live, as the Moon birthed herself from her own darkness, and the womb bled periodically without being wounded - all were seen as miraculously interconnected transformations.”
The serpent is a reminder to us, that we can leave behind that which no longer serves. We can birth ourselves time and time again. We can literally move the cosmos, shift timelines.
I think both Pleiades and Cassiopeia teach us how to lean on one another during times of sorrow. To redirect energy that gets lost in “the chase”. But also to not be hard on ourselves. Because some things are unavoidable…
Call back your energy humans! It’s precious, it’s pegasus, it’s powerful!
Thank you for being here!
All quotes are from “The Great Cosmic Mother: Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth” by Monica SJOO & BARBARA MOR and art by Hiba Schahbaz.
LOVE YOU ALL
JAKARI WING
P.S. Recorded a very cute DJ rooftop moment from this summer. Enjoy :)