Two weeks ago my feed on titkok was filled with creators sharing how energetically chaotic the month of October would be.
Usually this month I have a scary movie lined up for almost everyday. But this year I haven’t really been in the spirit, despite ordering a slutty nurse costume.
I thought that would make me happy, but now I realize I’ll most likely be menstruating with the full moon and hopefully just in something warm and cozy.
I write these letters in sync with my cycle when I’m nearing my follicular phase (inner spring). Being much more careful with how I use my creative energy, which has proven to be helpful when i’m making music, writing or socializing.
However I can feel the luteal phase (inner fall) coming and I wanted this letter to reflect how I’m feeling through this particular shift.
The internet is awake right now. So awake that even the sexbots are liking my free p@l3stin3 posts. And the scammers have figured out my email, trying to convince me to put my money where my mouth is.
My heart has been in several different places. I’ve been trying to redirect my energy towards compassion for the various versions of myself, because if I want to inspire any sort of change I must always begin with myself.
What is happening in the outside world, is being reflected back into my internal world.
If there were some machine that could calculate the energetic number of the world right now, it would be an 8 (not based on a scale just the energy behind the number), but the energy of our internal world would be a 16. Doubled. Which is why I think when we deal with our own interpersonal shifts, we automatically address and participate in the shift of the world.
Additionally, when we are hopeful, we are unstoppable.
So personally I am doing whatever I can to maintain my hope, even in areas that feel immensely challenging.
I’ve been thinking about my needs, and at what point in my life I decided that they didn’t matter. I’ve been thinking especially about the version of myself that watched the twin towers fall.
It’s bizarre to now live in a city where I can just bike past what I saw on tv many years ago.
I spoke to my therapist about this, and we had a really interesting conversation about inner child world and inner adult work.
We talked about how important it is to identify when the inner child is triggered.
When the inner child is looking for help.
In this moment we can either exit a cycle or enter one. It’s really common to go outside of ourselves, for example on social media, to find answers or truths. But as we know, the answers outside of us will only catch us when we are vulnerable and very susceptible to the info we hear or are exposed to. Then our internal discernment becomes swayed, and we unintentionally entertain info that may not be grounded in truth.
So, in summary if the energy exchange does not fulfill the inner child, then we enter a cycle of the inner child being triggered, vulnerable, and ultimately seeking help outside of itself. Sometimes the inner child doesn’t know best and will go to people, places or things that do not serve the child. Which is why an adult must step in.
When taking a moment and calling upon our inner adult self to resolve what is triggering the inner child, the cycle can be relieved and the energy transmuted.
Building this bridge between your inner child self and adult self is really so unique that no one else could tell you how to do it. Because only you will know when your inner child feels safe. Only you will know when your body is speaking to you, building trust within etc.
I hope I explained it alright because this felt really monumental for me to meditate on. Also knowing that the expectations I created as a child still effect me today. So in many ways there is an inner child within me that is deeply disappointed, vulnerable and disconnected.
However, the beautiful thing about building trust within ourselves is that when it works, it really works.
Even though I cycle in and out, I know what it feels like to trust myself. Creating a familiar place in my room, is one way for the energy of trust to hold memory.
Each time I earn my own trust, I gift myself a crystal. So then I have a crystals that represent this energy and if I’m feeling like I’m lacking I can be reminded of this energy when I hold or see my crystal.
Entertain inner trust within yourself, and then act from that point or intention.
One mystery around the collective energy I was trying to understand has to do with polarity: life and death, liberation and division, peace and disruption, light and dark. The two simultaneously exist, and I don’t know why. They just do.
That’s all I have for now. I’m leaving you all with a little scene from The Love Witch and a few other nuggets in the P.S.’s
Imagine this but like a spell from Goddess to send you a sweet adult version of yourself lolol.
With immense love.
Jakari Wing
P.S. I made this mix called energy of 3. I’ve been listening to it when I run and it really feels like I’m transmuting energy left and right.
P.S.S. I recently rewatched Volver, I loved the line about how it’s custom to clean your own grave before you die. So you’re extra comfy when the time comes, or perhaps a way to cope with the inevitable end of life. I also love the vibrant and familiar family dynamics in the whole movie.
P.S.S.S. I also rewatched a documentary on Leila Khaled. The score is so haunting, the rest of the film speaks for itself. The filmmaker is endearing. Leila is an Aries queen. TW there are scenes of war, etc/ intense scenes in this doc.
“Sometimes the inner child doesn’t know best and will go to people, places or things that do not serve the child. Which is why an adult must step in.“ this brought me a much needed moment of clarity thank u❤️