Talking back to my nerves

one year on substack X name change!

It’s been one whole year since I’ve been sharing my letters with you all on substack!

For anyone new here, thank you for joining the ride. For anyone that’s been here since the first letter, HI! hehehe

I feel lucky that I have this smol community reading my letters. I also feel lucky and grateful for Offering Rain, my editor, partner and greatest supporter who helped me exercise a muscle of confidence to continue writing.

In celebration of this evolution, I changed my substack from “Passing Time with Jakari Wing” to “Illumination Diaries”.

I was going to explain the name change, but actually my birth name sort of translates to Illumination, and I think that’s good enough for now.

So welcome to the first iteration of “Illumination Diaries” where desire, joy, healthy boundaries and discernment are celebrated!

Let’s thrive babyyy.

Artwork by Tae Lee

I participated in an open mic the other week, it was the first time I sang an original song on a stage in a while. I promised myself I would do it. I knew that showing up would be the hardest part.

The experience was fulfilling and insightful. For anyone that is really nervous to put themselves out there, this is how I talked back to my nerves, and what helped me get past my head.

Art by Caroline E. Absher

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Talking Back To My Nerves

1. Stay in your confidence.

   Did you know that being confident is actually a choice? Stop talking yourself out of it.

2. Remember to take a deep breath before going on.

   This will help your body take lead.

3. Set a grounding ritual for gratitude.

   Whether that’s by verbally saying thank you on stage or touching your hand to the stage and then to your heart, the space is now blessed.

4. Embrace your alter ego.

   Would Cher really be slumping over before her performance? Stand tall in your body. You got this. This will also give your ego and mind a break, step into that fearless version of yourself. It’s been waiting for you!

5. Stay Curious.

   This will help trick your mind into being more easy on yourself when you get off the stage. Staying curious will also help with improving your performance the next time you get on stage.

6. You are Electric!

   Look how magnetic your heart is. Your light shines bright when you take a chance on your authenticity. Look how easy it is to be you!

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Something that also helped soothe my ego, my nerves, my mind is playing ‘the fool’.

Art by Tae Lee

I first became aware of ‘the fool’ in my tarot deck. I like Biddy’s interpretation of the card.

“On The Fool Tarot card, a young man stands on the edge of a cliff, without a care in the world, as he sets out on a new adventure. He is gazing upwards toward the sky (and the Universe) and is seemingly unaware that he is about to skip off a precipice into the unknown…The mountains behind The Fool symbolize the challenges yet to come. They are forever present, but The Fool doesn’t care about them right now; he’s more focused on starting his expedition.”

The fool is curious, the fool is excited, the fool is brave. Like embodying the energy of “beginner’s luck” or “oh if I had only known what I was getting myself into”.

Ever since I’ve encountered the fool in my life, I’ve tried to write down all the fun little signs the universe has brought into my awareness. But truthfully my writing doesn’t feel like I’m doing the magic of what’s unfurling any justice.

Embracing the fool has allowed me to question and imagine how I would like to thrive vs survive.

I don’t really know what the answer is, but I do feel like there are a few ways to get there. To the part where I thrive.

And one is by honoring my curiosity, and paying attention to the things I do “just for fun”.

What do you love doing that’s “just for fun” but very necessary for your vitality?

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I will end with a few seeds/gems.

First a quote…

because my greatest joy is seeing everyone thrive and achieve their greatest desires!

“Humans deserve to be dripping in beautiful remembrances, medals, and decorations for having lived, truly lived and triumphed” (page 211 women who run with the wolves.)

…second lyrics to little wing by Jimi Hendrix…

The first time I heard little wing by Jimi Hendrix was during a foggy solo car ride in my brother’s black mustang, down a single lane highway to an island filled with WW2 mansions and a view of San Francisco city lights. I love the lyrics and will now end each of my letters with the outro of the song ‘fly on little wing’.

Well, she's walkin'
Through the clouds
With a circus mind
That's running wild

Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairy tales
That's all she ever thinks about
Riding with the wind

When I'm sad
She comes to me
With a thousand smiles
She gives to me free

Oh, it's alright, she says, it's alright
Take anything you want from me
Anything
Anything

Fly on, little wing

…and finally my highest form of gift giving… a mix I made for channeling fairies, rest and rejuvenation. The mix carries an intention for how I’d like to set the tone for my letters. I imagine Illumination Diaries being a rest spa for fairies (aka you all), reflecting and getting their wings ready for another flight.

Thank you so much for reading. If you’d like to support my work, you can now become a paid subscriber.

With love!!

Jakari Wing

P.S. I’m Dj’ing at Yalla Party August 25th in Brooklyn with an iconic line up!

P.S.S. I updated my demo reel for commercial projects that I’ve been a part of. It’s really cute so I figured I’d share

P.S.S.S. I just want everyone to know that I have a friend named Rocky who makes the BEST charcuterie boards. hehehe